So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
Sorry my hands just texted you
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
Randomize
