never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
Randomize
