At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
Randomize
