Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
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