i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
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