Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
Randomize
