Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
I enjoy the company of your penis
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
Randomize
