So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
Randomize
