this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
how do you spell 'special'? like slow?
S P E L L C H E C K
No you dumbass thats not right
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
Randomize
