happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
