ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
Randomize
