About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
Randomize
