I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
Randomize
