Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
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