found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
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