I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Randomize
