it was like his penis was on wheels.
I miss vodka workout Fridays
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
Randomize
