I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
Randomize
