Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize
