I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Randomize
