I wish I could punch you in the face.
Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
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