come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
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