I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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