i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
Randomize
