If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
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