aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
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