Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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