tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
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