i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
Randomize
