And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
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