We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
Randomize
