I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
Randomize
