He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
Randomize
