apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Randomize
