Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
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