You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Randomize
