I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
Randomize