At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
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