Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
