The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
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