I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
