I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
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