Having a random hookup so left but love u
that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
Randomize
