I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
Randomize
