He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
