If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
Randomize
