there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
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