Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Randomize
