remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
Randomize
