if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize
