i don't like sucking hair
So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
Randomize