After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
Randomize
