But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
Randomize
