I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
Randomize
