Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
Randomize