You smell like a Billy Joel song
so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
Come share oat with me in your robe
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
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