20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
Dear god my vagina.
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
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