The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
Randomize