i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
Randomize
