would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
Randomize
