is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
I think I just sharted jello shots
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
Randomize
