2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize
