How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
