i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
Randomize
