you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Randomize