Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
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