Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
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