I can't watch pbs sober anymore
well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
