I smell stomach acid.
Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
Randomize
