he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Randomize
