im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
