Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
I'm getting married
To pizza
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
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