Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
Randomize