He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
Randomize
