Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
Life without a bra equals bliss.
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
Randomize
