The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
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