I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
Randomize
