you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
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