is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
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