well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
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