Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
