I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Randomize
