never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
