I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
Randomize
