The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
Randomize