need another drink. this is the easiest way
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
Just invented taco cereal.
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
