He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
And then he peed in my hair
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