reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
Randomize
