I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
Yeah, it wasn't as bad as I thought. I tried not to clench and things went pretty smoothly.
physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
Randomize
