we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
Randomize
