If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
