WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
Randomize
