Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
Randomize
