Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Randomize
