a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
Randomize
