woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
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