I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
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