She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
Randomize
